my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
