Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
