This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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