That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
