So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
His hands were made for my vagina.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
