i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
