I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
They took my balls.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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