He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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