Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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