I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
