I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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