party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
