Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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