Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
