I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize