What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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