i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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