I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
