Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
