Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
