Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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