Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
