I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
