Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
