Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you inspire me to be a worse person
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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