My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
