also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
