Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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