I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Randomize
