apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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