Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
