Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
