I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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