Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Never let your siblings swipe right.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
