i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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