Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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