I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
