During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
