sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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