UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
