How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
