Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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