I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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