Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
