my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
