I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
