I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she looked like the before picture.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
