The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
