arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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