Quick, to the slutcave!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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