a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
