did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
