My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
