i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
