he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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