so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
