we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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