you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize