you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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