Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
