he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
