there was a trapeze. enough said
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
