As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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