Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
