So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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