I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize