Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
dude i'm inner monologue high
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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